Thursday, September 18, 2008
Quotes
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity."
~Edgar Allen Poe
"Anyone desperate enough for suicide..should be desperate enough to go to creative extreme to solve problems: elope at midnight, stow away on the boat to New Zealand, and start over, do what the always wanted to do but were afraid to try."
~Richard Back
"Some day you'll cry for me like I cried for you,
some day you'll miss me like I missed you,
some day you'll need me like I needed you,
some day you'll love me, but I won't love you"
~unknown
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression of being stupid rather than opening it and removing all doubt."
~Rami Belson
"Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared before."
~Edgar Allen Poe
"Love is composed of one soul inhabiting two bodies."
~Aristotle
"Let us endeavor to live that when we die, even the undertaker will be sorry."
~Mark Twain
"Why kill yourself? Life will do it for you."
~unknown
"Love can tear you apart and it can kill you. But it can also bring you back together."
~unknown
"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts."
~Charles Dickens (Great Expectations)
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
~Dr. Seuss
"You block your dream when you allow your fear grow larger than your faith."
~Mary Mannin MOrrissey
"Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding onto."
~unknown
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Confirmation talk
"Well, I guess I should tell you a bit about myself first. I live in
As time progressed though, it got harder and harder to keep up with my work, I felt sad a lot, and I just wasn’t me. I had started cutting, and several times, came close to killing myself. I started going to a therapist, but it didn’t seem to help.
My mood went up and down quite a bit, but the worst was the middle of May. I’m homeschooled, but go to classes at a place called New Hope Tutorials twice a week. In May, I had basically stopped going. I would wake up in the morning, afraid to go to classes cause I was so far behind at this point, and I would start to feel sick to my stomach. My mom tried to find help for me, and after one particularly bad cutting episode, I was brought to the Emergency Room for a Mental Health Evaluation. Thinking I wasn’t in any imminent danger, I was sent to a partial-program in
I had stopped feeling God with me around May or April. Before, I felt like I could turn to him and I could feel his presence with me, but now. I felt that He just wasn’t there. Those times where I wasn’t myself, I needed someone with me, but God wasn’t there for me. One time that stands out in particular was when I was laying in bed, paralyzed because I was afraid that if I moved at all, I might do something regrettable. This was my lowest point, and I felt that God wasn’t there anymore. I went to Adoration and felt nothing; I asked for help but got no answer.
At the end of July, I went to Steubenville East, and was surrounded by many teenagers that were so alive in their faith. There was plenty of music, amazing speakers, and lots of prayer. I sang along, clapped, and jumped around with my friends, although my heart wasn't in it. Saturday night adoration…wow... We got into groups of 3 and prayed, and I started sobbing. Well, as soon as the brought the monstrance with the Body of Christ out, I just stopped. People around me were crying, laughing, or a strange mixture of the two because they had been touched by the Holy Spirit. Of course, I have to be weird and start hyperventilating instead... During this, I felt a tingling in my arms and legs, and a strange sensation going through my entire body; I knew that the Holy Spirit was touching me. I suddenly realized that God had never left me; He had been right beside me the entire time, but I had turned my back to him. Then I suddenly thought of something, something that one of my friends had said to me right before
This new-found love for my Savior had reawakened a thought that I had had nearly a year earlier. I wanted to do missionary work. I wanted to go to the ends of the Earth and show people who had never even heard the name of Jesus the incredibly love He has for them. I went home after
I’m still aiming to do missionary work with my life. I want to go into the medical field, and then go to the most remote and dangerous parts of the world so that I can help people both physically and spiritually. God gave me a love for adventure, so I would be perfect for going out into these parts of the world. Through these trials, God gave me so much strength. I still have trouble with depression, but now I will never forget how much God love me. Plus, now I have a dream to strive for, to spread His love."
I pray that my talk effected some people to do, if only one. Maybe, just maybe, something one that retreat sparked their faith.